Choosing an Egg Donor; One Woman's Story

No matter what egg donor you select, this is a child you and your partner are creating. This child is going to be exclusive and special to your own family, and this baby wouldn’t be coming into this world if not for the love that you both have for one another.

By: Marna Gatlin
(Reprinted with permission from the November 2008 edition of Connections, The American Fertility Association, www.theafa.org.

Your doctor tells you that you need an egg donor – First of all – take a deep breath. You are right, this can be horribly overwhelming. This is going to be one of the biggest decisions you are going to make in your life.

All we know is that we just want to have a child, grow our families and become parents. No one could have prepared us for the roller coaster ride that we have embarked upon.

But here we are – we are either so overwhelmed by the process or we don’t know where to start. Or we have poured over so many profiles that each profile is beginning to look or sound like the other.

To begin with – it’s important for us as women and mothers-to-be to know it is okay to be sad about losing our genetic link. For some women this can be a long grieving process. We at PVED encourage you to give yourself time to grieve your loss of a genetic connection to your child. Sometimes seeing a counselor or a therapist can help sort through those feelings that we all feel at one time or another.

Because this can be so mindboggling, give yourself time to wrap your mind around egg donation; what it means, the process, and the steps it’s going to take to complete an egg donor cycle from start to finish.

Remember that no matter what egg donor you select, this is a child you and your partner are creating. This child is going to be exclusive and special to your own family, and this baby wouldn’t be coming into this world if not for the love that you both have for one another. Along with that, it’s important to focus on the fact that you will be bringing a child into this world, and regardless of eye color, hair color, height, or what have you, you are going to love, honor, and cherish this child which is the most important aspect of this entire process.

Where do we start? And what’s important?

First of all, you need to decide if you want to select an anonymous donor or a known donor. For some parents it’s important to make that personal connection with their egg donor. They may want to select an egg donor who will be willing to meet their child one day in the future. While others choose the anonymous egg donor route, not wanting to know anything other than what the profile states about their donor.

When selecting a donor pay close attention to the egg donor’s profile. Really read how the egg donor portrays herself. Look for a donor that perhaps you can relate to, that you could call your friend; or someone that could fit in with your own family.
Some recipient/intended parent(s) place value on GPAs and SAT scores, and college education. Some recipient/intended parent(s) place value in egg donors who have excelled in athletics, music, science, and a multitude of other areas. Some recipient/intended parent(s) require their donor to be the same faith as themselves.

The majority of recipient/intended parent(s) I come across tell me they need for an egg donor to have a physical resemblance with the mom, so that the baby "looks like mom and dad". I also hear a lot of "I want an egg donor whose drop dead gorgeous and bright!" Not an unreasonable request—let's face it, who doesn't want their child to be beautiful and brilliant? Our society places a lot of focus on looks for men and women, so it's a no-brainer to me that the demand for beautiful college girls who are willing to donate their eggs is really high. Now bear in mind—not all young, gorgeous, beautiful college age girls are going to make good donors. That's why medical and psychological testing is required.

As a recipient/intended parent you are spending a huge chunk of change. Being pro-active and a smart consumer is imperative when selecting an egg donor. There is no right or wrong way to go about this – it’s all about your own personal choices.

Here is some terminology for those who are just starting out:

An anonymous egg donor is an egg donor you select through a clinic or an agency that you do not meet. You do not know her name, or anything else about her that’s not stated on her profile. You might or might not see a photo of the egg donor. The egg donor would know nothing about the recipient/intended parent(s) other than how many eggs were retrieved and, in some instances, if a pregnancy resulted.

A semi-known egg donor is an egg donor who knows the recipient/intended parent(s’) first name(s) and the state in which they live. The donor and recipient/intended parent(s) might exchange emails and photos; however, no specific personal information is provided about the egg donor or the recipient/intended parent(s).

A known egg donor can be either a friend/family member, or the egg donor is selected by the recipient/intended parent(s) and the two parties meet face to face. The egg donor may or may not know the recipient/intended parent(s’) first and last names, where they live, exchange e-mail, telephone calls, continue to keep in contact with one another. The egg donor and the recipient/intended parent(s) may agree upon the child meeting the donor if they so wish. The recipient/intended parent(s) may or may not send photos of their child with updates to the egg donor as well. The arrangement in regards to exchange of information is agreed upon and put into place between the egg donor and recipient/intended parent(s). In many instances information is shared for medical purposes.

All egg donors should complete an in-depth egg donor  profile that is compiled of several pages of questions covering their medical history, personal history, social history, and reproductive history. You do not want to do business with an egg donor agency, broker or clinic that does not require their egg donors to complete at least a medical profile. All egg donors should meet with a psychologist and be administered and pass an MMPI* and a psychological evaluation.

*The Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory, or MMPI is the most frequently used clinical test. It is an easy test to administer and provides an objective measure of personality. It provides clear, valid descriptions of people's problems, symptoms, and characteristics in broadly accepted clinical language. It always needs to be scored, evaluated and interpreted by a licensed clinical psychologist at the PhD level.

Egg donors should be :

• Between the ages of 21 and 30**
• In good physical health as documented by history and testing
• In good psychological health as documented by history and testing
• Height and weight proportionate because if they are overweight it could affect egg quality as well as take more stimulation drugs to create follicles which will cost you, the recipient/intended parent(s), a lot more money
• Have regular menstrual periods and not using Depo-Provera
• Drug free
• A non-smoker of tobacco and marijuana
• An FSH (Follicle Stimulating Hormone) level on cycle day three (3) of no more than eight (8), preferably under six (6)
• An E2 (Estradiol) on cycle day three (3) of less than 50
• An Antral follicle*** count of at least 15 combined
• Mature, responsible, and dependable.

***Antral follicles are small follicles (about 2-8 mm in diameter) that a Reproductive Endocrinologist can see, measure, and count with ultrasound. Antral follicles are also referred to as resting follicles. Vaginal ultrasound is the best way to accurately assess and count these small structures. The antral follicle count (in conjunction with female age) is by far the best tool that we currently have for estimating ovarian reserve and/or chances for pregnancy with donor eggs through IVF.

Specific Questions to Ask an Egg Donor:
1. Does your family have a tendency towards any particular illnesses, i.e., allergies, intestinal problems, cancer, heart disease or psychological problems? Who had one or more of these illnesses, and at what age did the onset occur? (These questions should be answered completely within the donor profile)

2. Are your blood relatives living, i.e., parents, siblings, grandparents, aunts and uncles? If not, how old were they when they died, and what did they die of? (These questions should be answered completely within the donor profile)

3. Have you or any member of your immediate family ever smoked, drank or used illegal substances? To what extent are any of these, or have any of these ever been, a problem? Some agencies don’t like to ask this question. However, it’s a reasonable question as studies have shown that some forms of addiction have hereditary components –a hereditary predisposition involving brain chemistry. (These questions should be answered completely within the donor profile)

4. Have you ever been pregnant? What was the outcome? (These questions should be answered completely within the donor profile)

5. Have you ever donated eggs before? If you have, how many follicles developed? How many eggs were retrieved? How many were successfully fertilized? Was there a resulting pregnancy, multiple pregnancy, and live birth(s)? The donor may or may not have this information.

 6. What can you tell us about your family of origin? Who are they and what are their ages? What are their vocational and avocational interests, hobbies, talents and dispositions? What are their physical characteristics such as coloring, size, weight and height? (These questions should be answered completely within the donor profile)

7. Do you have any children? If yes, how old are they now? When did they learn to sit up, walk and talk? Were there, and are there any significant health issues we should know about? What are their sleeping and eating habits? What are their special abilities and interests? What was their birth weight and length? (These questions should be answered completely within the donor profile)

8. If you don't have children, why do you want to help us have a baby using your egg(s)? Have you considered the unlikely circumstance where at a later date you might be unable to conceive? (This should be discussed with a psychologist before the donor donates)

9. What is your family's genealogical heritage or history? What country(s) did your ancestors come from, where did they settle here, and when? (These questions should be answered completely within the donor profile)

10. Why do you want to be a donor? What do you think you will get out of it? If you have already donated, what did you get out of it?

11. If we get pregnant, will you tell your family members including your children? If so, how will you tell them, and when? Would you want your children to know that our child would share half of their genetic heritage? How will you handle their questions?

12. May we see or have pictures of your family, siblings and children? If we desire, may we meet with your immediate family, including your children?

13. Have you thought about how you'd feel if, after all this interaction and sharing, we don't get pregnant?

14. Have you thought about whether you would like any ongoing contact such as pictures, phone calls or meeting the child?

15. Is your job or school situation flexible enough to do this procedure? Do you have child care available, if you have children?

A few last words – Do your homework, research, ask questions, and if something doesn’t sit well listen to your gut. Don’t be led to believe that if you pay a top price for an egg donor, you will get a premium donor. It’s not the way it works. Also, while we are talking about it, don’t believe that paying a higher fee to an agency or a donor is going to create or produce a top quality or even a better quality egg. Or for that matter, increase your chances at becoming a parent. Again, it’s not the way it works.

At the end of the day the child you have via this process is the child you are meant to have and is going to be the most amazing, beautiful, perfect child you have ever laid on eyes on.

Marna Gatlin, Founder, CEO - Portland, Oregon
After many years of struggling with infertility, PVED founder, Marna Gatlin, discovered that the technology to have a child through egg donation was available. She was curious, excited, and above all, hopeful that this process might be the conduit to finally achieving her lifelong dream of becoming a parent.
Marna ensures that all the needs of egg donor recipients are met, maintaining a high standard of ethics and confidentiality. Marna advocates and assists recipient parents helping them arrange for the highest quality patient care, wherever in the world they reside. Her experience and knowledge related to the complex emotional and physical needs of individuals dealing with infertility makes her an essential asset to PVED.

As a previous recipient, Marna is uniquely qualified to provide caring and timely services. Marna is truly dedicated to compassionately guiding couples experiencing infertility through their treatment process.

Marna is joined by several dedicated and knowledgeable support staff that all work together clearly dedicated to see the success of PVED. These include clinical psychologists, reproductive endocrinologists, attorneys, as well as a talented business and public relations team.

Marna attended Eastern Oregon University, majoring in Business and Psychology, and is a member of the American Society of Reproductive Medicine (ASRM) and the Society for Assisted Reproductive Technology (SART). Marna, a writer, is married, has a son, and does some of her best thinking and creating atop of her John Deere tractor mowing and cultivating her back forty.